So I am new to this blogging world. I really don't know were to start. Should I start talking about me, my life, my adventures or even what I want to do for my future? Well I figured I would talk about my 2009 year and how it will go down in the books as the worst year of my life! Were do I begin? I was in a 9 year relationship that was going on our 10 year anniversary. Of course we had are ups and downs but what couple doesn't after being together for so long.

I loved him and even though he wasn't a romantic man I always new that he loved me to bits, so I thought. This was the year that everything fell apart. We moved back to the beach to be close to our parents from fort lauderdale and we got our beautiful dog king. We were excited to move into our beautiful townhouse on the bay and life was good. I was wrong. My father was very sick and getting worst everyday. My relationship was getting shaky once again. I felt like I was drowning and didn't know what to do. Let remind you, I had been with Rich since I was 20 years old and now at that time I was 28. I couldn't just give up on our relationship because for 9 years Rich was all I knew. Man I have had so many great experiences with him but I have also had some very bad times with him as well. Come to think of it , there were more bad times than good but of course I didnt really want to admit it til it was to late.

Let me explain. I met Rich at Flanigans and I couldn't stand him but of course he wore me down and he is not at all my type but something about him got me. Rich has the gift of gab! After the first 4 months of dating we were in love. Now Rich told me he loved me first and I fell. Back to the story. After 4 months, Rich was promoted to manager at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and had to move to Hawaii for trainning and of course I thought that it was over and I was heart broken. The day I dropped him off at the airport was hard but then he told me he wanted me to go with him. so of course I did a few months later. Oh man this is were I should of seen the red flags. Anyway, I am going to give u the short version of what the next couple of years went. It was amazing living in Hawaii but it was also very sad and depressing at times. Rich was starting to show his true colors. He would tell me things like, "you are letting yourself go", " I am no longer sexaually attracted to
you", just being hurtful and sneaky. But of course I loved him and I was far from my family so I let it go all the time. Of course he would say that he was sorry and that he loved me and everytime I would get ready to leave him, he would cry and tell me that he couldn't live with out me and I bought it and stayed.

Well, a couple of more years went by but now we were living in Daytona and things just got really bad. He was meaner than ever and he would always say he was sorry but one day I moved out to see if that would help us in some way. I was wrong. Yes we were still together
and I thought things were better but then had a gut feeling that something was up. I was right. He cheated on me with a girl I knew. So I
moved on for a bit and when he saw me with another man he begged and cried and begged. So I thought "he must love me, this is what it
took for him to see that". I was stupid!!!! We got back together again. We broke up a couple of more times after that but in 2008 we were
solid. So I thought till 2009. Like I said, my father was really sick and on Feburary 7th, I got the worst news of my life, my father had passed
away that night. I was working and so was Rich. I called him as I was rushing to the hospital to see him before they took him away. I was
torn apart and til this day I still struggle with the fact that he is gone. Well, we sold our things, broke our lease and moved in with my mother
because he was her life. Maybe I should fill you in. My mom and dad have been together for 33 years. My father was 80 and my mother is
53. So I knew that this was going to be rough for all of us especially her. I moved into the house were my father died and it was extermly
hard for me.

I was acting out with anger with everyone because in the outside i was trying to stay strong for my mom even though we were fighting all the
time because of her actions. I knew that this putting stress on my relationship but I thought that Rich understood that I was going crazy
because of what was going on and that all I needed was time. I needed him so much in that time of my life. Little did I know that he had
other plans. Once again I had a gut feeling but I just thought that I was crazy and of course he wouldn't do something that stupid especially
3 months after my father passing, wrong he was that stupid. I found out that he was having a relationship with someone from work were we
both worked together. So to add insult to injury, I was drowning with anger and hurt and shock. I thought that this man that I shared 9 years
if my life with loved me enough to have respect for me in my time of mourning. How stupid was I to think that a man who didn't have respect
for me to not cheat on me previously would have respect for me now. I went through such a hard time coming to terms with my fathers
death and excepting that Rich did this to me but now I feel like I am dealing with my father death in a healthy way and I am 92% over the
situation with Rich. He tries to communicate with me and tries to be friends even though he is in a full on relationship with that woman but
there is no way that I would ever be friends with that man and he just doesn't get it. I know that one day I will forgive and move on but even
when that day comes I still can never bring myself to be his friend ever in our life time.

So I guess the moral of my story are for the women out there who are in such a bad relationship like I was for so long, even if you feel like can't make it without him, you can because you are woman. You are stronger than you think and you are beautiful just the way you are and deserve true love always.